Spring is a time of change and renewal and this year there are multiple changes, not all of which I am ready to share here yet. Pesach (Passover) preparation is underway and the OCD is already trying to make me feel anxious about it. I am just about holding on, with exactly two weeks to go. I hope I feel like this in three weeks’ time.
I start my new job immediately after Pesach. That’s just a huge, scary unknown at the moment, with nothing of substance to write about here. I’m hoping it will be good. I’m a bit anxious about a lot of things connected with it of varying degrees of likelihood, from my ability to do the job, to the fear that I will encounter antisemitism in the workplace or the trip in to work.
There’s another potentially big change on the way that I am reluctant to write about here, but it is very much up in the air at the moment anyway.
Then there is dating. I have had two dates now and don’t know how things are going. I am not good at social interactions at the best of times and think I accidentally came on stronger than I intended at the second date, trying to be light-hearted, but sounding flirtatious and making the Freudian slip of saying “I really like you” when I did not mean to put it so strongly. Because of this I thought I would give my date space for a few days before calling her again, but it’s hard. I feel there’s a spark there – nothing more definite at the moment, but the potential of something positive in the future, but I don’t know how my date feels about me. I opened up a bit about my mental health and she was understanding, so that at least is good.
Looking back at my last post, I see I have mostly covered the same ground. Perhaps things are not changing quite as fast as I thought/feared. Or maybe it just shows the same thoughts and anxieties going round and round in my head.
