I’m typing hurriedly in my lunch hour again. I was going to enjoy the sunshine, but fled a park full of rowdy teenagers. Why must they swear so much and bully each other? I hated my teenage years, and I hate being reminded of them.
Much of post was in fact drafted the old-fashioned way, with pen and paper, on the Tube to work this morning. There are some minor things I wanted to complain about, but I am trying to cultivate a positive attitude and complain less, so I will try not to mention them (except for the rowdy teens).
I feel a bit bad regarding my second post yesterday. I don’t mind having posted it here, but I probably should not have posted it as a comment on Hevria.com. I did get a sympathetic response from the original writer, but I wonder if she was annoyed with me underneath [EDIT: she has since said that she’s not annoyed]; I certainly feel as if I was being difficult, really saying, “I’ve had it worse than you” which is unfair, as well as violating my new no complaints rule! My therapist thinks that I might not have had my my emotions mirrored back to me enough when I was a child, leaving me with difficulties in understanding what I feel and dealing with it (I suppose that’s an alternative explanation for the Asperger’s symptoms). It’s possibly why I need external validation from my blog and commenting on Hevria and elsewhere. At any rate, I feel I came across as grumpy and rejecting the author’s feelings in favour of saying that my own are worse, which is not polite.
Yesterday was a stressful day anyway, with my problems with therapy and a general feeling of not being able to achieve much. I went out for a run in the early evening, even though it was probably too hot, just so I could work off some tension and feel that I had accomplished something. I’m glad that I seem to be coping with stress better, without falling back into depression. The OCD has got marginally worse in the last few weeks, but I think it’s still mostly under control. The winter will be the big test as it’s usually when the nights start getting longer and earlier that I fall back into depression. But that is still some months off, with a lot to happen between then and now. I just hope I can keep going as I am now through all the scary things on the horizon, especially the ones that I don’t feel able to talk about here yet.