Today was odd. Something unusual happened last night which I’m not going to go into, but which prompted difficult and guilt-inducing thoughts today, even though realistically I had nothing to feel guilty about. Then today was a “team building” exercise at work, which basically meant that all the library staff went to a big Victorian cemetery and did weeding (of the gardening kind, not the library kind!). It was quite fun initially, but also tiring and I’m glad to have come home and had a shower, but I’m still very tired. I intend to spend the evening with Doctor Who.
On the plus side, I sat and ate my kosher food with the team while they ate their halal food without having an OCD freak out (I was more concerned that it was disrespectful to eat in the cemetery, but I wasn’t sure what else to do). I brought my bottles and food boxes home without panicking about potential grease or crumbs on them and I even did some grocery shopping and put the food in my bag with said unwashed bottles and boxes. I was also able to chat to my colleagues without social anxieties, although I have to say that I have adapted well to the new team and find it easier to talk to them than it was to talk to people at my old job (maybe because here I have lots of colleagues doing similar things whereas at my old job it was just me, my boss and other people doing very different jobs).
Incidentally, I think one of my team may have undiagnosed OCD from what she was saying, but I didn’t think it was my place to say anything to her. Maybe I was wrong, I don’t know.
I do feel lonely now, though. Someone special to me did text me at lunch to see how I was getting on, which was nice, but I wish I had someone to come home to and snuggle with in front of the TV tonight. I usually don’t mind living by myself in my tiny converted garage-flat, but sometimes I would like the company.