17.45 To blog or not to blog? I have already written one post today and I am worried that if write another in this state, I will write something I will later regret, whether something private or something political or controversial. I don’t have many readers, but I’ve noticed that those I do have come from diverse ethnic, national and religious backgrounds; I’m guessing their political backgrounds differ too. To write about something other than mental health is to open myself to criticism and rejection. Doubly so on a day like today, when I am not thinking coherently and probably could not construct a meaningful argument for anything I believe in.
I tried to watch Doctor Who (The Sea Devils) earlier, but lost concentration after ten minutes, which is pretty much unheard of. Did drift back towards it later.
18.09 Reading politics online, really should know better. Given up hope of running today. Worried about getting to work tomorrow.
18.41 Finally tidying up ‘lunch’, feeling that I have to hide who I am to be accepted. Can’t go into detail even here, for fear of being rejected. Feel unbearable tension inside me, not sure how to cope with it. I wish… but I had better not say it.
OK, I was, as I say, “sort of” liveblogging because I was writing this periodically, but only planning on hitting ‘publish’ before bed. I have been editing a bit too. I’m going to take the plunge now and post little snippets throughout the evening, so, in the unlikely event that anyone wants to interact in real time via the comments, they can. Apologies in advance for taking up a lot of your friends feed.