Well, I’ve finally taken the next step in transfering my shul (synagogue) membership i.e. I have sorted out the fees and have emailed the rabbi to arrange a time to meet, which is the thing that has been scaring me for weeks. We shall have to wait and see how that goes.
I’m currently beating myself up far too much for a blog comment I left before. I can make excuses for myself: I was tired and hungry and a bit ill (I have a cold and I had a headache) and I had had an idea about the causes of antisemitism a while back that I was waiting for an opportunity to share without thinking too much about how much sense it made or how I phrased it because it all seemed so elegant. Doesn’t change the fact that I shouldn’t have written anything until I was feeling better and not making sweeping statements of the kind that normally annoy me when made by other people. Sometimes things make sense in my head and it’s only after I’ve hit ‘post’ that I see all the flaws in the argument. Unfortunately, I can’t delete the comment, but I have left another comment trying to narrow its terms somewhat to something more realistic.
I still feel very bad about it. I know I’ve gone against my values and I know I’ve been stupid. I suppose the temptation is to talk or write about it in the hope that that will somehow it, which it won’t. Alternatively to think about it endlessly for the same reason. Ugh. I need to just accept that I’m human, sometimes I do stupid things and sometimes I make mistakes and (especially thanks to the internet) sometimes I do both very publically and the thing to do is just to accept it, learn from it and move on. I find moving on hard, though. Much easier to wallow in guilt and self-loathing.