I really need to have some dinner and go to bed (I went to bed late and struggled to fall asleep last night, then overslept in the morning and had to dash out to work, so I spent the day struggling with tiredness), but I thought I should add a quick post about my worries yesterday about being humiliated.

I was worried about a phone call I had to make to a rabbi I didn’t know.  Basically, some very religious Jews, before agreeing to date someone, will do a background check, even getting a rabbi or a shadchan (matchmaker) to interview the person they have been set up with (this is dating where you get set up with someone rather than asking them out yourself), getting references from their rabbis or teachers and so on.  My heretical view is that it’s a bit silly and the only way to get to know someone is to go on a date with them, but if I want to date frum women, I have to play by the community’s rules.

I had never done this before, so I didn’t know what to expect.  I think it went OK.  I made a bit of a fool of myself, but not as much as I feared I would.  I think I made a bit of a fool of myself when the rabbi asked me to describe myself and I didn’t really know what to say.  I said in the end that I am a person of integrity, family-focused.  All the other good stuff I could have said about myself (there is a bit!) went out of my head.  I hope my rabbi mentor will say some nice stuff about me when he gets asked for a reference.  I was asked what I do for recreation and I didn’t want to say “watch Doctor Who”!  I said I read a lot, write and jog.  I was worried the rabbi would ask what I write, because I didn’t want to say a book on Doctor Who and a blog about mental illness, but fortunately he didn’t ask.

I don’t know what he thought of me!

The rabbi said, “I’m sure you have questions about {woman I’m being set up with}” and I realised I hadn’t thought about that at all.  I mean, I wondered about her, but I hadn’t formulated any questions – I was so worried about what he would ask me, I didn’t even think of what I want to know about her.  I asked to know a bit about her in general terms.

One thing I was really worried about, that I didn’t study in yeshiva (rabbinical seminary) like most frum (religious) men, looks like it might not be such a problem.  So we shall have to see how it goes.

I find it hard to believe that good things can happen to me.  And if this works out, it will potentially be the best thing that has ever happened to me.  So I’m paranoid something will go wrong, that I’ll mess something up or that God is, for His own inscrutable reasons, just waiting for me to get my hopes up before He dashes them yet again.  But we shall see.

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One thought on “Not Humiliated (Much)

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