Today was mostly a reasonably good day, but quite a lot happened. I’m not sure how interesting any of it is in and of itself, but as most of it either follows on from things I have written in the past or is setting up potential things for the future, I thought I should give a quick update for regular readers and friends.
I spoke to my boss about my depression and my worries that it might get worse after my sister’s wedding. As I hoped, but didn’t dare admit even to myself, she said I should take the next day off and make up the time by coming in for one day during the February half-term. So that’s very positive for me (I get time off to recover) and also for my parents (I’m planning on staying the night at their house, partly for practical reasons, but, as my Mum said, it will stop them waking up feeling lonely and having empty nest syndrome).
Regarding the depression in general, she said she hadn’t noticed a change in my work, except that I’m not so pro-active in dealing with students, which she thought was probably my personality more than depression. I didn’t say that this was more likely the social anxiety or Asperger’s because I didn’t want to complicate things, especially as I don’t have an official diagnosis of either of those things. I said that I was worried about being late or taking time off sick and she basically said I shouldn’t worry about things that haven’t happened and which I have limited control over. I felt afterwards that I’d said the wrong things, but that as probably just social anxiety. On the whole the meeting went well.
At the end of the day, my boss also said that I had spent the whole day staring at books with a puzzled look on my face. I thought that is probably how I spend all of my work days, but I didn’t say anything. I know that while I have problems reading other people’s expressions, my facial expressions are literally as plain as the nose on my face. It can be irritating at times, and is one of several reasons why I’m a very bad liar.
I also managed to get through a kashrut crisis at work without lapsing back into religious OCD, which was very good, although I do need to contact someone to ask if I’m still allowed to use the work kettle now non-kosher vinegar has been used to descale it.
I have managed to get myself exempted from security duty at shul (synagogue) for the moment, because the depression is likely to make me struggle to get up on time to do my slot and I don’t want to let them down by not showing up. I am not happy to have to ask for exemption, which just puts more pressure on other people (it’s a small community, so we all have to take our turn fairly regularly), but I’m glad they were understanding (it helps the person in charge of security is my closest friend in the shul).
I just phoned the rabbi I was trying to get hold of about the date I had been set up on. Apparently my potential date is making her own inquiries into my background. But the rabbi said I should phone back tomorrow “at the latest.” I do vaguely feel that if politicians were vetted the way Orthodox Jews vet people for a shidduch (match), there wouldn’t have been so many resignations from governments on both sides of the Atlantic recently…