This is a follow-up to the post I posted a few minutes ago. I suddenly had a thought about it while writing my private journal which I wanted to share. I don’t want to go back and edit the old post, because the people who subscribe by email (which includes two of the three people I know for sure regularly read this) will miss it. It would probably help to go back and read the original post first. So here goes:
I wrote about writing self-pitying comments on other people’s blogs, particularly on Hevria.com. I couldn’t work out why I do this. The comments are usually about my intractable mental health issues, my insecure and part-time employment and especially my single status. I write that my life has always been bad and will never get better. I sort of dare people to contradict me, or to agree with me. I don’t know which, because neither option seems good.
It occurred to me that it’s not really about what people say in response, it’s more that they say anything at all (if they do, which normally they don’t). I want someone to show they care about me. I don’t know if I want someone to say that I definitely will get better or that I definitely won’t get better, that I will definitely find my other half or I definitely won’t find her, but I do want people to acknowledge my pain and my feelings of isolation and loneliness and how they are worsened in the frum (religious Orthodox Jewish) community where almost everyone my age is married with children and where singledom is seen as a bizarre and suspect aberration.