I had my last session with my therapist. We spoke a bit about the C-PTSD book I’m reading. She said that lots of things can be traumatic to a child, so I could well have experienced childhood events as trauma even if I wasn’t actually abused in the strict legal sense, especially as there was bullying and other difficult events for me. We spoke about not necessarily needing a label of PTSD/trauma, just an awareness of how I feel and why I feel it.
She sounded pretty hopeful about my chances for the future and we’ve left things open so that I can go back to her if I want/need to after I’ve tried some CBT. But I really do feel I need to try a more practical form of therapy to work on my low self-esteem now, especially as I feel (and she agreed) that psychodynamic therapy has done a lot of good for me in understanding my feelings and where they come from historically and now I need to move on to something more practical.
My father’s uncle died yesterday. I didn’t know him very well, but my father was close to him and is very upset. The funeral was today (Jewish funerals are usually done as soon as possible, preferably within twenty-four hours). My great-uncle was the last person of that generation (grandparent/great-uncle/great-aunt) in my family, on either side. It’s sobering to think that my parents are now the elder generation (albeit that my parents both have cousins who are ten or fifteen years older than they are) and that I’m now of the ‘younger adult’ generation; I already have second cousins once removed who see me as an adult figure, and there will perhaps be more children, closer to me one day, who will see me as an uncle, maybe even as a father (it could happen, theoretically). It’s another reminder of mortality and the inexorable passage of time at a time of year when such things are omnipresent.