I didn’t go volunteering.  I just have no energy or concentration or motivation or anything, really.  I felt that I would not be able to look after children, let alone speak to adults and that I would be more of a liability than an asset.  I just feel so drained today.  My Mum wanted me to go.  She gave me the same talk about “forcing myself” to do social things that I’ve had since childhood.  I guess this is why I want some kind of diagnosis of autism or social communication disorder, so other people might understand me better.  Or, I guess, so that I would be more forgiving of myself, because I feel bad for not going.  I want to at least work on my Doctor Who book, but I haven’t got the energy or concentration for that either.  I tried watching TV, but even a comedy programme was triggering.  I feel that I should just go back to bed.  I’ve got nothing to say, but I want attention/sympathy/love/I-don’t-know-what-but-I-haven’t-got-it.

I’m going to force myself to go for a walk in a minute, although I don’t feel like it.  The only think I really feel like doing is sleeping.  Not even vegetating in front of the TV or eating junk.  Just tuning out of the world.  I haven’t been this bad in a long while and I wonder how I will get to work this week.

2 thoughts on ““Nothing will come of nothing”

  1. After the last post about how you’re volunteering on top of doing things at shul and having a draining job, I was thinking you sound over-extended. Rest is a good thing sometimes.


    1. I feel like I should be able to do more, though. I’m not really doing that much, I don’t even work full-time. I’m not doing much at shul, I don’t even go on Shabbat morning.


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