Just a quick note (to myself as much as to anyone else) to say that I feel OK today. I was very exhausted and “mentally hungover” on waking, but I’ve been out for a (routine) blood test and helped my Dad with Shabbat shopping. I’m hoping to spend a little time working on my Jewish book before Shabbat starts. That may not happen, but it’s’ good that I’m thinking very proactively about it. And I managed to fight off some OCD anxiety.
More than this, I actually feel reasonably positive. It feels like I might be able to find ways to manage the depression and autism. I don’t think I’ll ever have a “normal” life, inasmuch as I don’t know if I will ever have a full-time job, get married and have children, but I think I can cope with working part-time and maybe dating for a bit, as long as I accept that I have less energy and socialising ability than most people. That’s OK. I think I’m probably going to have to depend on the kindness of others (particularly my parents and, if I find one, my wife, but also in the workplace and elsewhere) more than most people, but I guess that’s OK. If I was blind or in a wheelchair I wouldn’t feel bad about needing help and I don’t think depression and autism are any more shameful.
I’ve got a busy weekend (shul (synagogue) tonight, volunteering on Sunday afternoon and family dinner on Sunday evening), so I’m going to try to rest a bit today and tomorrow. I know this is just one good day (and yesterday was quite good), so I’m going to try not to read too much into it, but it’s good while it lasts.
Vision of the Night 