I’ve had feedback from both the friends I wrote to about writing. What they wrote seems really useful, but also daunting. I suppose if it was easy, they wouldn’t have to pay people to do it. I fee like I’m drowning in self-disbelief (is that a word? The opposite of self-belief). I struggle to see myself writing professionally. Yet I want to write. Writing feels like it’s the only thing I’m any good at. (Despite having ended that last sentence with a preposition.) And it’s restoring for me rather than draining, which is unlike most things. I think I need to find a way to start small and build confidence. The actual writing is less of a problem than finding the right market and submitting ideas and articles and coping with rejection, not to mention the social anxiety that stops me from making contact with publishers for fear of saying or doing the wrong thing. I did try to pitch an idea to a geeky website once and didn’t even get a response. I don’t know if the idea was bad or I just pitched it badly.
I do feel a certain excitement about the thought of writing professionally that I haven’t felt with librarianship for a while. The other thing I take from the experience of writing these emails is that two people who have never met me in person and just know me from my writing took a lot of time to respond to my emails which indicates (a) that they think my writing is fairly good and (b) I must, on some level, be a likeable person.
I keep positive emails from friends and blog comments in an email folder. Periodically I print them out, so I can see them at times when my computer is off. I printed some out today as I wanted to see them over Yom Tov earlier in the week and thought I might want them over Shabbat (I don’t use my computer on Shabbat and Yom Tov). That does help to boost my confidence a little, at least when I remember to read them. In the past I’ve had them blue tacked to my wardrobe doors, but after a while I stopped noticing them.
I went for a haircut. I shook. I feel a bit upset about that, even though it’s not my fault. The shaking is a medication side-effect, but it was worst when the barber moved my head about rather roughly, which suggests that it is related to social anxiety and autistic problems with being touched.
On a purely materialistic level, a new graphic novel I pre-ordered ages ago and the publication of which was then much delayed finally arrived today (The Clockwise War, the latest Doctor Who Magazine comic collection). Doctor Who Magazine comics tend to read better in one or two sittings than a handful of pages a month, particularly when they have long and complicated story arcs like this one, so I’ve been looking forward to this.