I want to rant about politics. My politics are pretty confused these days. I don’t support any political party. I’m probably somewhere to the right of my online friends, but somewhere to the left of people in my shul (synagogue). I try to use my training as a historian to see deep-seated trends rather than make party-political points. I would like somewhere online where I can anonymously talk calmly about ideas without name-calling or people retreating behind dogma, but I don’t know if there is such a place.
I also have a LOT to say about identity politics and the Jews, but this isn’t really the right place for that. I just want to flag it up as a frustration that bothers (read: angers) me sometimes. To be honest, most of the time lately I just want to run away from politics, but occasionally I don’t and then I feel frustrated. I just feel sickened lately, and I want to flag up my frustrations. One day I’ll probably crack and write something I regret. Going back under my rock now.
***
I finished another job application. I struggled with the open questions about proving my skills again. I usually do struggle with these kinds of questions. Autism brain does not respond well to open questions saying “demonstrate experience and use of the Anglo-American Cataloguing Rules.” It likes questions that narrow down the possible answers a bit otherwise it looks at the big heap of memories inside it and says “You want me to find a needle in this haystack, and you won’t even tell me what a needle looks like!” I find it hard to respond in any way other than “I have used Anglo-American Cataloguing Rules in my work at libraries X, Y and Z.” I try to find some kind of anecdote that shows my skill, but it is not always (perhaps not often) possible.
I don’t have all the cataloguing skills and experience they want anyway. My skills have grown rusty with disuse and I have not done CPD or kept up with changes in the library/cataloguing world. It’s been enough these last few years to keep my head above the water with depression and part-time paid work/job hunting without devoting scarce time and energy to CPD. Sometimes I have the skills they want, but don’t know how to demonstrate that I have them. I know I have excellent internet search skills, but I have rarely used them at work, if at all; most of my practice has been searching for things for personal use and I can rarely think of a particular case that stands out in my mind.
Asking for a flexible approach and good team skills in someone with autism still seems unfair too. A lot of the people at my autism group work in IT, which is probably a stereotype of autistic people. I think they just in their office coding all day, avoiding other people and keeping out the office noise with noise-cancelling headphones. I don’t have that sort of mind or interest in IT. I was always more interested in the humanities, which is somewhat unusual for someone on the spectrum (although is may be another way I tend towards “female” autism symptoms rather than male ones). I’m not sure how to use my autistic issues as “superpowers” the way the autism support books and websites say I should, which just makes me feel worse.
***
I haven’t heard back from the publications I’ve pitched ideas to. I’m not sure what I do now. Try to find other places to pitch to, or new ideas to pitch, I suppose. It doesn’t help that I don’t know if I’m pitching bad ideas or I’m just not pitching properly.
