Not much to report. Shabbat (the Sabbath) was quite difficult. I’m really struggling with Friday nights at the moment: overwhelmed by noise and people at shul (synagogue) then trying to be social with my parents at dinner and then doing meditation and hitbodedut (prayer/meditation) and a bit of Torah study and bed late without any real time to recuperate. I don’t want to skip anything, though, so it’s hard to know what to do. As with the last few weeks, I woke up about 7.00am and felt too socially anxious to get up and go to shul. Then I slept a lot in the afternoon and read a bit (Kabbalah by Gershom Scholem and Doctor Who: The Spear of Destiny) before shul. I spent much of the day feeling very depressed and far from God. Actually, I spent much of Shabbat asleep, but when I was awake I was feeling depressed and far from God.
One of my shul friends is running a little group learning thing where they are studying the laws of Shabbat for half an hour before Talmud shiur (religious class) and he invited me along, but I don’t think I can cope with that then shiur then Mincha (Afternoon Service) then seudah (the third Sabbath meal) and another shiur then Ma’ariv (Evening Prayers) then helping to tidy up the shul then coming home and helping my parents to tidy up. That’s about four hours of STUFF, much of which is difficult for depressive, socially anxious or autistic reasons. It would be a good way to build up friendships with a couple more people though.
The shiur over seudah was interesting, but I think I need time to digest it before saying anything about it.
And that was it, really.