I overslept again and woke up after a disturbing dream about being attacked by a crocodile in my old shul (synagogue), the one I went to until we moved four years ago.

Crocodiles aside, I had a productive day, albeit not necessarily doing the most important things.  I guess it was a day for prioritising ‘urgent’ over ‘important.’  I wanted to cook vegetarian bean chilli for dinner (Mum does voluntary work on Tuesday afternoons, so I usually cook), but this required a long walk to Sainsbury’s to buy ingredients.  This was good exercise, but took time away from job hunting and novel writing.  I cooked dinner, by which stage it was almost time to eat and go to my Tuesday shiur (the one where I really like the content, but am too shy to speak to any of the people, most of whom are much older than me and seem to know each other from outside the shiur).

I did at least send off my proposals for the library I was interviewed for/pitched to last week.  I’m rather nervous about where this may go.  I hope it turns out well.

I managed to get half an hour to work on my novel, finishing the first draft of another chapter.

This is not remotely scientific, but the last two days I used my SAD light-box for forty-five minutes a day and I seemed to feel better.  Today I was only able to use it briefly for various reasons, and I felt like I was on the brink of tears for no obvious reason at different times (and not just when I was chopping onions for dinner).  I still very depressed, worried and frustrated about the election, and about antisemitism generally.  There’s not a lot I can do about that though.  Sadly, there isn’t really anywhere in the world where it’s completely safe to be Jewish.  I mean, I know it’s not completely safe for anyone, anywhere, but you know what I mean.

9 thoughts on “Crocodile! Otherwise Boring

  1. Crocodile dream is interesting. Am I right in thinking you felt more comfortable in your previous synagogue? If this is the case I wonder what your subconscious may be telling you in this dream. What made you move to the new shul 4 years ago?
    Glad the light box might be helping a bit … vitamin D3 might also help.


  2. Don’t be sad! Mean, scary crocodile. I think it means you viciously attacked yourself over an older religious outlook that you used to have. Animals = habits, and temple = religious mindset (an older, outdated one since it was your former temple from years ago), and you definitely tend to attack yourself a lot!


    1. I’m not sure, but the day before you dreamt it (dreams = thoughts since waking previously) you mentioned anxiety about visiting your sister for Shabbat. Could be something there…


      1. It could be. My dreams tend to be on a weird time delay, though. I dream about stuff a week later. In retrospect, the crocodile is probably just from the James Bond film I watched a week or two back.


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