I couldn’t sleep last night. I’d forgotten to take my tablets at dinner time and while I remembered to take them before bed, they obviously didn’t have enough time to make me drowsy. It’s a reminder that my default setting is insomnia and it’s only a side-effect of my medication that I can fall asleep easily most nights. As a result, I slept until 1pm (probably not helped by both my parents being out). Even then it took a while to be able to get up because I still felt exhausted. My mood wasn’t too bad at first, but got worse as the day wore on and I fell further and further behind my planned activity.
I got a reply to my work proposal at the synagogue, but just to say that the benefactor will discuss the proposal with the rabbi (too many rabbis on this blog!) and synagogue president and get back to me. I’m still looking for other jobs, and even though I have no energy, motivation or concentration today I started applying to one that I’d been procrastinating over and now have to do in a rush to meet the deadline. To be fair to myself, it did make more sense to prioritise the synagogue job.
The job application I was working on today wanted a lot of management experience I don’t have, plus like most jobs they want a level of confidence, independence, resilience and efficiency that I simply don’t have in my depressed state.
Also: I should start playing Buzzword Bingo on job descriptions. diverse, proactive, flexible, initiative…
Searching Twitter for jobs/networking and trying to avoid politics is going about as well as could be expected, which is not very well. I have another class on networking and LinkedIn tomorrow and will probably be told all over again to stick with it. I hate election stuff. It’s also scary how many people can’t tell the difference between classic antisemitic tropes (conspiracy, blood libel, Holocaust denial) and legitimate criticism of Israel, and how many of those people work or campaign for political parties or major media outlets.
Actually, half the stuff on Twitter is just memes and comments that I don’t understand, whether it’s comments about political “dramas” that have passed me by or references to “celebrities” I’ve never heard of (bear in mind that nowadays any nonentity can be a celebrity online, and any slightly off-message comment by a politician is a scandal and a drama).
My parents suggested just not bothering with Twitter despite what I’ve been told and I’m wondering if they’re right. More so than blogging, Twitter feels to me like something you have to commit to 100% or it won’t work. Whether you’re doing it for work or fun (or politics), you have to be glued to it to follow trends, follow lots of people and preferably comment on their posts and post or repost lots of material of your own in real time to keep up with it and make it worthwhile. Yesterday lots of people were #trollingtheguardian (it was a mostly amusing meme); today, nobody is. My brain doesn’t work that fast.
By the time I finished writing my job application, I was in something of a state. I was practically in tears. I still have a stack of other things to do. I wanted to go to shul (synagogue) today and to the mini-shiur (religious class) beforehand, but I ran out of time. I didn’t work on my devar Torah (Torah thought) for the week, which I will have to write tomorrow (I have an idea of what to say, but it can change particularly if it’s not as well thought out as I thought), not to mention looking at the broken light pull cord above my bed and seeing what needs replacing, a job I’ve been not so much putting off as simply forgetting for weeks now.
The problem with my laptop “forgetting” that I have the the “tapping” touchpad function switched off every time I turned it on has gone away, but the frequent dropping of wifi in my bedroom has got exponentially worse. The last few days have been a real struggle to get wifi at all anywhere in the house, even right by the router, which is hard when I’m supposed to be doing job stuff online. It got better after rebooting. It seems to be going to hibernate and then “waking up” that triggers the problem, particularly if I put it into hibernate mode rather than let it switch into it through inactivity.
It feels like this is just waffle and nothing really happened today. I’m going to go to bed soon, as I need to be up early tomorrow for the employment workshop (the one that was half an hour late last week).