This is mostly political, so you might want to skip to the last three paragraphs that have most of the stuff about how I’ve been.

I woke up feeling very depressed.  I thought that this was unsurprising given that I had a bad day yesterday, but it took a while to remember what actually happened yesterday.  Then it came flooding back: autism diagnosis, psychiatrist, abuse on WhatsApp…  The latter doesn’t bother me so much today.  That group was hardly in my life, it’s not hard to throw it away.  But today brings it’s own diet of election craziness and disturbing and outright murderous  and Jew-hatred and victim-blaming (“All this property belongs to the Jews… they say it’s a hate crime, but later on you will know what’s going on“).  In America.  The “safest” diaspora country ever for Jews.  I wonder if there will even be a diaspora in 100 years.  It feels like we’re all going to have to go to Israel.  Whether we will be allowed to survive there long is another question.


A Labour Party canvasser turned up at our house.  They must be desperate, or confident, to come to a road where maybe a third of the houses are visibly owned by Jews (with mezuzot).  I was too shocked to give him a piece of my mind, I just said, “We’re really not interested” and shut the door.  He seemed nice, a young Asian guy, probably a student, rather wet from being out in the rain.  But I can’t help thinking that he, like every other person who is still a member of the Labour Party, thinks that free broadband is worth killing Jews for, or at least that free broadband is important enough that the leadership should be allowed to encourage their “brothers,” “heroes of the resistance,” to kill Jews on their behalf.  It left me feeling sick.  I wish I had had the quick wits to say something sharp.  Beaten by social anxiety again.

There are quite a few Jews on my Twitter feed (which I’d stayed off for a few days and should probably not go back to) talking of emigrating if Labour somehow win.  Also, the library at Goldsmiths University retweeted an “I’m voting Labour” tweet, so I know not to bother applying for any jobs there (I’m sure it’s also an infringement of some college rule or even actual law for a university library to back a particular party, but I think Goldsmiths is quite notoriously left-wing).

Some Jews think most non-Jews are antisemitic.  I don’t agree with that; that’s a prejudice in itself (anti-gentilism?).  But this election has shown that while the numbers of outright antisemites may be relatively small, if they concentrate in positions of power, many non-Jews are not willing to combat antisemitism if it conflicts with their own interests, even if they self-describe as “anti-racist” or “progressive.”  Kudos to the few (e.g. J. K. Rowling, Ian Austin, Frank Field) who have taken a stand.

Antisemitism is more intelligent than other hatreds; it adapts to survive.  It’s not acceptable to hate Jews for racial reasons any more, and it’s not really acceptable to hate them for religious reasons in the West (although not in the Middle East and elsewhere).  So, we are hated as “Zionists,” “imperialists” and “Rothschilds,” supposedly super-rich people with supposedly augmented white privilege that enables us to oppress even the “white, cis, male, straight elite.”  And so antisemitism thrives, and even becomes meritorious as anti-racism, even right in the heartland of anti-racism.


As well as the Labour canvasser, we had a Conservative.  No Lib Dems, although they sent us a lot of literature and I would have thought that this would be a prime area for them, if they were looking for middle class voters upset about Brexit, but unwilling to vote Labour .  To my surprise, when I went to vote, there were only four candidates: Conservative, Labour, Liberal Democrat and Green.  Usually we get a ballot paper as long as your arm with numerous single issue and obscure parties.  We didn’t even have the Brexit Party here, probably because, as a Conservative-held marginal seat, this was covered by their informal electoral pact with the Tories.  Labour put forward a candidate with a Jewish-sounding name, doubtless to increase his chances in a community with a lot of Jews.  The Jewish Chronicle thought that this constituency is one of the few where the Jewish vote could meaningfully sway the outcome of the election.  Their estimate was based on constituencies where the size of the Jewish community was larger than the sitting MP’s majority in the last election, of which there are apparently not many.  I think our MP had a majority of under a thousand and there are easily more than a thousand Jews in this constituency, even if they are concentrated in just a few places.

My Doctor Who graphic novel didn’t turn up either.  The one I specifically pre-ordered so it would arrive today, to cheer me up from election misery (I didn’t know the autism thing was going to blow up).


Anyway, back in the real world…

I got another job rejection today.  I had to phone the agency to hear; they didn’t tell me.  I agree with pretty all the people who have said that job agencies are not very useful.  My main job hunting thing today, aside from deciding not to pursue a job that is far away and not a great match for my skill-set, was writing some notes to help me answer competency questions in job interviews.  I answered a number of questions, although whether I would remember them or have the confidence to look at my notes in an interview is another question.  I couldn’t answer the questions about dealing with a different opinion with a colleague (I’ve never really had that situation – in fact, usually I have had few peers in previous jobs at my level) or about when I’ve had to motivate people (I’ve never had a management role).  I did sort of find an answer to the motivation question, but for the difference of opinion one I had to say that I can’t remember this ever happening to me, but if it did, this is what I would do.

I do feel a bit like I’m finding fewer jobs to apply for and I’m not sure why that is, if it’s just an impression not rooted in reality or not.  If it is a reality, I don’t know if it’s a seasonal shortfall or if I’ve become less inclined to apply for jobs where I don’t really have the right skills or experience, or which would involve a long commute every day.

Not having much job stuff to do, I tried to work on my novel, but I kept getting distracted by political stuff like this scary article or this one, which is scary for other reasons.  I probably spent about forty-five productive minutes on it and wrote about 500 words as well as getting a better idea of where this chapter is going, so that’s all positive.  I spent a lot of the day feeling depressed and anxious, though.  I went to shiur (religious class) too although I was feeling anxious and ended up eating two home-baked chocolate chip cookies.  I feel a bit bad about that, as I’m trying only to eat junk on Shabbat (Sabbath) and Yom Tov (festivals), but I was very stressed and I’ve had a couple of bad days, so maybe it’s forgivable.

4 thoughts on “Election Anxiety

  1. Pass the cookies! Meg wants cookies!! They make everything better!! 😮

    So sorry life has been so horrid!! I asked my dad about your political situation, and he didn’t manage to clarify my weak understanding of it. (He knows everything, but whenever he’d try to help me learn current-events material in school, I’d fail.) (Technically, I’d fail without his help too. Freshman year was hard.)

    Great job on your novel! Keep up the great work!!


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