I had insomnia again last night, but not as bad as previous nights, in that I fell asleep after an hour or so.  However, once I fell asleep, I slept for eleven hours, which messed up my schedule before the day had even started.

I had another job rejection.  Also, an agency sent me a possible job that’s a library assistant position (not assistant librarian, which is what I’m looking for and is very different) again.  I’m annoyed that they keep sending me these jobs I’m overqualified for.  I did feel desperate enough to consider it, but it’s only for two months and it’s a lot of stuff I am not good at, particularly sitting on the issue desk dealing with students.  It seems like a lot of stress for a two month fill-in job that won’t even look good on my CV.  My parents want me to apply for it, though.  They say it would be money and I don’t have to put it on my CV.  I think there’s a self-esteem issue about telling people I’m working as a library assistant not a librarian.  It’s like an unemployed doctor filling in as a nurse.  Plus, I don’t think I can cope with spending most of my day, for three consecutive days (Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday) on the issue desk dealing with students.  On the other hand, I am desperate.  Why does life hand me so many challenges like this?

I sent a chasing email about the religious library position where I essentially pitched what I could do, but have been left hanging on, waiting to hear which option, if any, the institution is willing to go for.  I hate writing such emails and asking for work, but I need to know one way or the other what is happening there so I can decide what other work to look for.  I got an email back saying that I would hear tomorrow.  I agree with my Dad that it’s not good that they made me wait this long; if they wanted me, in whatever capacity, they would have told me by now.  I suspect when I mentioned the cost of a trained librariane that they came to the conclusion that I really came to early on, that an institution this small can’t really afford a paid librarian, even part-time.

I went for a run before lunch, as I did yesterday.  I found my stamina still seemed low and like yesterday I walked more than I have been doing recently, which may be the winter and the fact that I only used by SAD lamp for twenty minutes beforehand.  I did at least have a reasonable pace according to my iPod, equal to or better than all the runs I’ve had in the last month.  I also worked some more on my novel, which seems to be coming along reasonably well at the moment, writing 600 words in about forty-five minutes.

Our Haredi (ultra-Orthodox) next door neighbours’ daughter got married today.  She must be about half my age.  Fortunately, this didn’t really bother me the way it would have in the past, likewise with the friend my age who I discovered yesterday had a daughter in the summer.  As I said yesterday, I think of myself as being in a parallel universe where things like marriage and children don’t happen to me, only to other people.

10 thoughts on “Notes from a Parallel Universe

  1. Tough call regarding that library assistant job. Being at the issue desk that much sounds like it could be stressful and not so good for your mental health, and I’m guessing as a library assistant you wouldn’t be making much money.

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    1. Yes. It sounds really stressful to me, but my parents don’t see it that way. The salary isn’t too bad, but considerably less than I would be earning as a librarian. The real killer for me is three consecutive days, because I can’t see myself getting through this without a recuperation day between work days.

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  2. With regard to your insomnia, I was wondering whether you’re using your light box in the afternoon/ evening ?
    This can make you more wakeful.
    I find it’s best to use it first thing in the morning.
    Hope the Jewish library offer you the job.
    Sleep well !

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  3. I think you are right to be cautious about taking any job for the sake of it. And wise to avoid jobs which you can see will be stressful e.g. dealing with students. You might be better off working at the religious library part time for a smaller remuneration perhaps — as it would still look good on your CV as well as helping your confidence and self-esteem. I hope that they might be flexible and make an offer even if it is lower than what you asked for. Do remember too that there are not many jobs out there at this time of the year — there should be more in the spring. And I would also encourage you to always ask after a job rejection for honest feedback as to why you did not get the job as it is useful to know whether is down to your interview style or to something else.

    Did you get anywhere with the new style ESA application? And what of the Maudsley — have you thought of discussing the funding issue with the NAS — I would have thought they would be obliged to fund the assessment. I was turned down for funding for my son ( not for assessment but for something different), and the NAS helped me through the appeals process and eventually I won it. The Local Authority does not want to fund anything and will often put up barriers. But in the end they often have to cave in when challenged. They just hope people will get fed up and not challenge. It’s terrible as they are taking advantage of vulnerable people — the very people who would give up and not fight.

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    1. This job does seem very stressful.

      I would be tempted to work at the Jewish library for a lower wage, but it depends on what they offer me.

      I do usually ask for feedback, but I don’t often get it, or it’s vague and they just say “I interviewed well, but there was a better candidate.” I wonder if they’re trying to avoid leaving themselves open to litigation.

      Re: ESA, the doctor’s surgery told me the wrong date for when my medical certificate would be ready, so I had to turn down the Jobcentre appointment that was offered to me to review my case, which means I will have to phone again some time in the new year. I am quite annoyed about this.

      Re: Maudsley, I haven’t tried the NAS, but Mencap is looking into to it for us, but unfortunately the woman dealing with it is going on holiday at the end of the week and won’t be back until 8 January, although realistically I doubt anyone would be around at the Maudsley/CCG end around then anyway.

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