I got the job I was hoping to get!  The one at the Jewish institution (although not paid by it – technically I will be paid by a benefactor who owns the library and loans it to the institution).  I don’t want to go into details, as it would be hard to anonymise, but I’ve got work two days a week in January, potentially with more work afterwards.  I worry I came across as somewhat confused and ill-prepared on the phone (I had not been home long and was making lunch when the phone rang), but hopefully I wasn’t too bad.  There are still things to discuss about the second phase of the work (after January); I think I do not entirely agree with the benefactor who owns the library, but as he is employing me he gets the final say.  I just hope I can deliver it.  I’ve never done something like this before, essentially create and run a whole library by myself.  I hope there is actually enough to do, as my brief visit was not long enough to really get a feel for the place and the work.  I’m excited, but also very nervous and feeling a bit of an imposter.

***

The interview workshop today was not great.  I think I know a lot of job stuff by this stage, it is just hard to implement it.  We did some pair work practising interview questions and I did not cope well, stumbled and made mistakes and then dried up under pressure.  Not good.  It didn’t help that my pair kept asking questions that an interviewer probably would not ask and which I didn’t want to answer, like explaining the big gap on my CV (from depression) or – well, I was going to say something rude there, but suffice to say he asked a lot of questions that rubbed me up the wrong way.  To be fair, he was significantly younger than me and pursuing a vocational career path rather than an academic one, so it was always going to be a struggle to find things in common.

I noticed when I was younger that when I had to do paired or group work at school, I would always get stuck with students who didn’t work and then I would have to do all the work for the group or else nothing would happen.  In retrospect, I wonder if the problem is me.  That seems to be the common denominator.  Perhaps I’m a drag on the team spirit and don’t encourage people to work.  I suppose I don’t know what to say and my social anxiety stops me saying anything from fear of saying the wrong thing or encouraging work for fear of seeming swotty.  I’m alright on teams where everyone has a clearly defined role and especially where I go off and do my bit and meet up with everyone else afterwards, but it seems I can’t cope with activities where I have to sit with one or two other people and cooperate/talk.

***

I spoke to Dad’s computer repair man on the phone and he suggested something that might help (USB wifi adapter to replace the one built into my ancient laptop), so hopefully that will help.

***

After all of the above I felt exhausted.  I had to struggle to do some necessary chores and to write a confirmatory email about the job, not helped by the fact that I can only get wifi sitting at the bottom of the stairs.  By 7.00pm I was feeling pretty exhausted and ready to crash, so that was about it for the day.  I did about ten or fifteen minutes of Torah study earlier and I had twenty minutes tonight when I felt a little less tired and began researching for my novel (domestic abuse, not the most cheery subject), but I was basically on the go for most of the day.  I watched a DVD and that was about it.  So much for my plans to watch less TV and read more to improve my sleep hygiene; I doubt I can read a prose novel when I feel like this.

I’ve had a lot of anxiety and imposter syndrome feelings this evening, some OCD anxiety and some worries about whether I will cope with the new job and whether my plans are good enough.  I should probably get an early night.  I’m expecting to crash tomorrow.  I have some jobs to do, like collecting my repeat prescription and the wifi adapter and writing my devar Torah (Torah thought) for the week, but I don’t plan on doing job hunting or anything stressful.

12 thoughts on “Good News

  1. Congratulations on getting the job!
    That’s brilliant news.
    It’s normal to be a bit nervous about a new job. I have a hunch you’ll be very good at it.

    Well done !

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  2. Oh my gosh, congratulations!! This is wonderful!! Oh, don’t worry; you’ll be great at the job!! YAY!!

    No, from what you’re describing, the problem isn’t you in the group dynamic. It’s laziness and others taking advantage of your desire to do all the work!! AARGH. I always used to hate group projects in school, but I was in the advanced program, so all the other kids were eager to pitch in.

    YAY! I’m so happy for you!!

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  3. Congratulations! I’m so pleased you got the job. Of course you’re nervous — that’s normal especially after being out of work for so long. And 2 days a week to start off with is good — sounds much less stressful than your last job. And you have no need to feel like an imposter. You lack self confidence, that’s all. Maybe you should make a list of all the ways you fufill the job requirements — I’d be surprised if you don’t tick most boxes. And remember, they chose you on the basis of your interview and the plans you submitted. You convinced them; you now need to convince yourself! And — after a difficult day, your good news has also cheered me up. Well done!!

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    1. I’m sorry you had a difficult day.
      Thank you! I definitely do lack self-confidence!

      The idea about job requirements is good, but there still is no list of job requirements, I just told them what I could do.

      I do need to convince myself.

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  4. Congratulations! And you’re not an imposter – you submitted a proposal and they wanted to go with it. 100% for sure you’re going to make mistakes, but the great thing about a job like this is that it’s unlikely that anyone will notice.

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  5. Congratulations on getting the job! So nice to hear things are looking up for you! You definitely deserve it! I can relate to the imposter syndrome, but they wouldn’t have chosen you if they didn’t think you were capable. In any case, you lose nothing by trying. I’m sure you’ll do great though! I would be extremely nervous as well, but it’s better to be nervous about something positive like starting at a new job than to be nervous about being unemployed.

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