Today was frustrating. I spent a couple of hours on a job application. The personal statement really made it clear that I had only about half the skills and experiences required, but I carried on anyway, I’m not sure why. It was also one of those applications where you can’t put any details that identify you in the personal statement for fear of nepotism or prejudice. In one previous application, that meant not naming any of my previous employers and using stilted sentence constructions like “In one previous job I was able to… and in another I did…” I wasn’t sure if they wanted that here or not, so there’s a 50% chance I screwed up with that bit even regardless of the content of what I wrote.
I did see another interesting-looking job, which I will probably apply for next week, but, again, the more I read up on it, the less suitable it seems. Am I being overly picky? Or lacking self-esteem? I definitely think I have autistic issues with coping with recruitment jargon, answering open questions and finding useful examples from my entire work history (even though “my entire work history” is only about a decade, even counting voluntary work).
I did see a job advertised that wasn’t a librarian job, or anything like it, just an admin job. It looked insanely boring (managing the debit cards students use on a campus), but the salary was OK (although not great), but it was two and a half days a week, whereas all the library jobs I see are full-time, sometimes with evenings or weekends thrown in. It does seem silly to apply for a job based on the hours rather than the job itself, but I feel pretty desperate.
I’m not particularly happy with this week’s devar Torah (Torah thought) either, but that’s probably mostly social anxiety at writing for a wider audience (now nine people, seven on email and my parents in person over the Shabbat dinner table). I like to write about things that interest me, which often means going to topics that other people might avoid. My devar Torah this week was on why biblical law permits slavery, even though it attempts to ameliorate it, when the narrative of the Torah seems to be against it. My answer, that societies change over time and that God wanted us to grow to a level where slavery no longer existed, feels worryingly “Reform” even though it’s based on ideas from major Jewish scholars (Rabbi Lord Sacks, Rav Soloveitchik and Rambam/Maimonides).
The more positive side of today was Skyping E., although we’re both frustrated that all we can do at the moment is talk to each other, rather than go on dates. Still, it was good to speak, especially as I’m really busy on Sunday and probably won’t be able to Skype then.
I struggled to eat less for lunch to diet, but then got super-hungry in the afternoon and had to snack on kosher pot noodle or I wouldn’t have been able to concentrate on my job application. Some days you just can’t win.