I sold my first two copies of my Doctor Who book today! To fan friends. Very exciting. It’s weird to think people are willing to pay good money to read my ideas. I’m planning to send a review copy to Doctor Who Magazine when the book is available through mainstream bookshops (at the moment it’s only available through Lulu.com) in the hope they will review it, although there’s so much official merchandise out there that I doubt they’ll promote unofficial stuff. There is, of course, the fear that no one will like it…
I sent out an email to some family and friends promoting the book too. I feel a bit awkward that my sister pointed out a typo that I’d missed on the back cover yesterday, but I don’t think it’s worth going to the expense of changing it now, particularly as it probably won’t sell in actual shops, only online.
I spoke to my rabbi mentor for twenty minutes or so. We spoke a bit about my mood going up and down a lot at the moment and he said that would be normal with my Mum being ill even without the additional stresses I have from depression, unemployment, Jewish festivals etc. I did say that if I was going to be unemployed, it’s good that it’s now, when I can at least use that time to help look after Mum, do cooking and prepare for Pesach (Passover). We spoke a bit about coming to terms with my parents’ mortality. On some level it seems wrong to say that, as Mum’s prognosis is good, but it is the first time either of my parents have had such a serious illness. I do feel I’m grieving, in a strange way, because rather than ruminating obsessively about Mum’s illness (which is how I usually experience anxiety), I go about my usual business and then suddenly I remember that Mum is ill and that one day she won’t be here and feel depressed, which in my experience is more like grief, when I find I suddenly remember someone who died. I’m not quite sure what I’m grieving, though. I suppose it could be the childlike sense of feeling I could trust my parents to be there for me forever.
I went for a run for the first time in three weeks. The delay was because of a combination of poor weather; family, and other, events; and low mood. Hopefully now the days are getting longer it will be easier to go out in the daytime even on days when I need to do other things too. My pace was not great, but I was glad to get out. I did feel quite exhausted and somewhat shaky on returning and ended up eating fruit and then a kosher pot noodle (as it was too early for dinner), so probably put back on whatever weight I had lost. Still, it felt good to get out and burn off some energy through exercise rather than in anxiety and rumination.
I had a exercise migraine in the evening, which made my late Skype call with E. difficult. We ended up having a fairly serious conversation, which wasn’t ideal, but we did manage to navigate it well. We do have good communication, which is probably essential when we are separated geographically and are coming from different places religiously (although our other values are similar).
I did manage over an hour of Torah study after my run, but before the migraine got bad. I was slightly surprised at my stamina.
I still have a migraine, so this is going to be a truncated post. I am probably going to watch TV (not sure what, probably The Avengers; something light) until I go to bed as I don’t feel well enough to do anything else, but don’t feel sleepy. I suppose it will distract me from being anxious about Purim, which starts tomorrow evening and about which I am somewhat apprehensive, primarily for the social aspect, but also somewhat for fears that my religious OCD will get out of control.