I slept better last night than Friday night, but it’s still far too hot for me to feel comfortable. I feel like I could give in to negative thoughts if I let myself, so I’m trying to stay in the present and not in my head.
It’s been hard to do anything today, the whole house is a big sauna. I’m sweltering. I never worked out if I’m extra-sensitive to heat as an autistic sensory sensitivity thing, or if I just don’t like it when it’s very hot. I tried to write a job application, but I struggled to concentrate, because of the heat. To be honest, I’m not sure that I’m as proactive and confident as they want. Apparently I should have “The confidence to challenge and persuade where appropriate” – yikes!
After an hour and a half of trying to fill in the application and not getting too far, I gave up for the day. It’s too hot.
Other achievements today: nearly an hour of Torah study. I saw my sister and brother-in-law (with social distancing) for a bit when they came in their new car, although I went off to my room after a while as the conversation had become completely about cars and I don’t drive. I very hurriedly wrote a Doctor Who review for my other blog (I can sometimes write these quickly when I have something to say although I haven’t posted it yet). It was too hot to walk, let alone run, so no exercise.
I watched a film with my parents. It was good to do something different together.
I do feel I didn’t do everything I wanted to do today, but that’s partly because of the heat, partly because of something that came up and took up a lot of time. I’m staying up late now, although it’s not particularly cool, just because I don’t feel tired and I want to catch up on some of the things I missed during the day. There doesn’t seem much point in going to bed yet, as I doubt I’ll sleep in this heat.
I was online more than I should have been according to my new “only go online twice a day” rule. I thought I had good reason to bend the rules, but arguably it was just anxiety on my part.
Also related to anxiety, I think I messed up another social interaction, perhaps with negative consequences. Sometimes the world in my head and objective reality don’t correspond very closely and it’s difficult to get out of my head and into the real world.
I feel a bit bad that when I posted here the letter I wrote to vent my feelings about the frum (religious Jewish) community, I didn’t make it clear that my concerns about racism, sexism etc. where about feelings I’ve found in parts of the community, not everywhere in it. I don’t want to slander the whole community. But there are parts I struggle to accept.
I am very bad at checking the spam folder on WordPress. From the few times I’ve looked at it in the past, it seemed it generally did not deleted anything it shouldn’t. I think once I found a comment that had gone in there by mistake. However, I just had a look and found a couple of legitimate comments from earlier in the week that it had marked as spam. Now I’m thinking I need to check more regularly, and I wonder if I’ve missed comments completely in the past. Apologies to anyone whose comment got eaten, I will try to check more regularly in the future.