I was exhausted again today and slept through the whole morning and struggled to get dressed when I did wake. I did eventually get going and discovered that I have a job interview next week at a Very Important Institution. I have applied for jobs there before, but never got to interview stage. Because of COVID, it will be an online interview, on Microsoft Teams, which I have never used. I need to write a presentation and think of questions to ask the interview panel after their presentation on the project/institution. So the novel and other job applications are on hold for a bit. I’m nervous. I would probably be more nervous if I thought I had a chance of getting the job, but I can’t see myself getting a job at such a prestigious institution, still less my being able to cope with it. I know, I’m being negative about myself again.
I started working on the presentation. It’s supposed to be about an information management project I’ve worked on. I could only really think of one that was suitable. It was only two years ago that I finished it, but I can’t remember much that’s useful. One trait of autism that isn’t so widely known is poor recall of one’s own personal experiences (autobiographical memory) and this is something I have experienced a lot over the years. My parents took us on some expensive holidays when I was a child, but my memory of them is patchy, a fact that I always feel guilty about, even though it’s not my fault. It is making it hard for me to remember what exactly I did in previous jobs, the processes I learnt, what I would have done differently and so on. The presentation is currently about four minutes long and I don’t know what else to say. It doesn’t really present me as a brilliant worker either, but I’m stuck.
It has, I guess, been a day, if not for new beginnings, then for moving things on. As well as the job interview, I received an email from an agency asking if they could submit my CV for another job, plus in the post came a thick letter from the hospital that assess autism. There was a questionnaire for Mum before her interview in a couple of weeks’ time and a HUGE form for me to fill in (incidentally, why is “filling in” a form the same thing as “filling out” a form?).
As a result of all this, I didn’t do much of what I expected to be doing. I spent an hour and a half on the presentation and thirty-five minutes on Torah study; I would have liked to have done more of both, but ran out of time and energy (and positivity, in the case of the presentation). I cooked some plain pasta for dinner too. I did a couple of small chores, but that was most of my day.