Sorry for the meaningless title. I hate picking titles, and this post is less than 500 words long, with no real theme.

Not a lot to report today. Work was fine. I’m taking an inventory of various assets, mostly in the form of antique Jewish ritual objects. I don’t really want to go into what they are and why we have them, as I’m trying to avoid making where I work obvious. It’s at least different, but also a bit frustrating, inasmuch as I have some documentation, but it’s not always clear, and sometimes I’m comparing two or three different objects of the same kind to see which one best fits the description. But the day passed quite quickly. I did make some mistakes when writing invoices though. I hope these are learning experiences.

A job that I “should” have applied for (entry-level librarian job at a major London museum, part-time) came up just now and I don’t have the confidence to apply for it – no confidence in my ability to do the job or my ability to cope with more hours than I’m currently doing.

I decided not to contact my GP for now regarding sleep and tiredness issues, but I will try to phone the psychiatrist’s secretary tomorrow to chase the letter that will change my medication. I think it’s worth seeing if the medication change I agreed with the psychiatrist works before pursuing other avenues.

I “went” to Zoom depression group. I didn’t have much to say, but thought I could at least listen to other people. However, I struggled to concentrate. I find concentration hard on Zoom anyway and I think going after work meant that I just couldn’t keep up. It’s probably worth still going, though, as I would still like the option to talk, and it’s good to hear how other people are doing even if I probably won’t remember much of it half an hour later.

I spoke about my job and my fears of messing it up, but I didn’t go into details. I didn’t mention PIMOJ. Whenever I think I could mention her, I think that we could have broken up by the next time we speak and then I’ll have to tell everyone we’ve broken up. I’m also not sure what to say at the moment. PIMOJ keeps saying that we’re “getting to know one another” and I’m not sure if she’s waiting for me to say that we’re in a relationship. I’m pretty bad at knowing what to do in these situations and I think she is, if anything, less experienced and confident than me. I’m pretty sure that she’s keen to continue, but I’m not sure what to say.

13 thoughts on “Short Update

  1. In dating, it’s important to define the relationship and fairly early on. Are you in a relationship? Are you both interested in marriage eventually? Otherwise, we can spend too much time with those who don’t share our priorities. Neither John nor I is (are?) interested in marriage. I’m not looking to live with anyone, although John may want to eventually. Hope that the medication change helps.

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      1. So what was the context for beginning to see one another?

        I think… in the Orthodox community, where gender roles are defined… it’s generally assumed/expected that the male will assert himself by at least making his desires and intentions clear… as well as being the one to suggest that romantic relationships move “forward” (assuming that he wants that).

        Liked by 1 person

        1. We met on a Jewish dating site.

          I think we’re both clear about wanting this to lead to marriage, ideally. I’m just not sure if PIMOJ wants to go slowly (as I think I said, I don’t think she’s had many relationships before) or if she wants me to say, “OK, we’re a couple now.” I’m not sure how that even happens, to be honest.

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  2. “I think she is, if anything, less experienced and confident than me.” This may be a good thing; you can learn together.

    “I’m pretty sure that she’s keen to continue, but I’m not sure what to say.” The eternal problem of communication and miscommunication. As ever, Tessimond puts it perfectly in his Black Monday Lovesong: http://www.shabbir.com/romance/lovesong.html

    Out of interest, does she know about your likely autism and does she understand how this affects you socially?

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  3. Yes, I guess it is a bit negative. Sometimes it helps though to realize this is a universal problem – and there is nothing particularly wrong with you, even given the constraints of autism.

    There is a lot out there to support the partners of autistic people — at some point it might be worth considering giving her something to read e.g. https://www.autism.org.uk/advice-and-guidance/topics/family-life-and-relationships/family-life/partners
    And there are a lot of other useful resources out there — most written for the female partners of autistic men.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Unsolicited Advice time!

    1) Apply for that part-time London museum librarian job. Isn’t your current job a temporary contract that will end in a couple months? You might be able to negotiate a start date for after your current job ends so you won’t be working two jobs at the same time.

    2) Initiate a conversation with PIMOJ, tell he you are interested in being in an exclusive relationship with her (I mean, I’m presuming that’s the case from everything I’ve read here) and ask if she is interested in being in an exclusive relationship with you. It may seem obvious or feel unnecessary, but it is necessary to have this conversation.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. 1) Re: the job: having checked my job applications spreadsheet, it looks like this is a second call for a job I applied for a few months ago and was rejected. Plus, I think I was wrong about it being part-time, and I don’t feel I could handle a full-time job right now.

    2) Yes, I should do this. I’m nervous though. I guess it seems a bit obvious and I’m worried she’ll be offended, or that maybe she has religious reasons for not wanting to proclaim being in a “boyfriend/girlfriend” relationship.

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