Dribs and Drabs of Inspiration

This seems like a hypersomnia blog far more than it’s a mental health blog these days. Anyway, I slept for nearly twelve hours again last night and woke feeling more tired than I went to bed. I only got up because I was embarrassed that my parents would find me in bed after midday.

I tried to work on my novel. I find it hard to get down to a new draft (the third draft). I opened the document and promptly started idly looking at news sites online. This kind of procrastination can actually be fruitful for me, as sometimes putting my brain in ‘idle’ for a few minutes can kick-start creativity, but that clearly wasn’t happening today. I knew I needed to write a new chapter near the beginning the book about my secondary character, to make her more prominent early on and develop her character, but I couldn’t think what kind of content will be suitable. It’s not exactly padding, but it’s going to be serving character rather than plot.

After a while I went for a run (forty minutes/5K, in the cold and dark) while my thoughts simmered in the background. I had a thought while running that got me a little bit further, and then another thought hit later in the evening to extend that, but I think this chapter is going to be tough. It needs to be written, though. I think the tendency of inspiration to come in dribs and drabs at odd moments is frustrating for me as someone who tends to measure my activity level somewhat obsessively to see the progress or otherwise of my mental health recovery.

I did some Torah study when I got home, and I didn’t get an exercise migraine, which was good. I did feel a general sense of frustration today about struggling to move my life on, particularly in terms of career.

I had a brief bit of anxiety in the evening, fears about my relationship with PIMOJ, that it won’t work out. I tried not to listen to the fears, but it’s not always easy, particularly as I know there is an obstacle for us to surmount that I won’t discuss here. This was probably triggered or worsened by watching the last episode of the first season of The Sandbaggers where the romantic relationship between two of the main characters is ended in the most brutal and permanent way. It was a good episode, in terms of writing and acting, but I think The Sandbaggers is too bleak to binge watch. It needs to be interspersed with lighter TV.