I had killer burnout this morning and missed Shacharit (Morning Prayers) completely, even though now the clocks have gone forward you can say it until after 1pm, although Chol HaMoed (semi-festive day) prayers are off-puttingly long, and the Anglo-Jewish custom is to wear tefillin even though it’s semi-festive (I feel uncomfortable wearing tefillin, which I’m sure feeds in to my tendency to pray Shacharit late).

I had a long WhatsApp conversation with PIMOJ which was good, as I was worried the relationship was burning out. It turns out she dislikes video calls as much as I do. So that makes me feel better. I told her about feeling burnt out and she was sympathetic, but I didn’t dare to tell her that I was still in pyjamas, and in bed, at 1pm. I realised last night that I need to make more of an effort to be vulnerable with PIMOJ. It’s hard, because she’s understanding, but also very different to me, very outgoing and happy, and I worry about scaring her off with my issues. Being vulnerable is scary. But I think the relationship will only move on if we open up to each other more. I think we’re both hiding some inner thoughts. It’s hard to work out how much to open up and when, though, especially as I didn’t always have good experiences with this in previous relationships.

6 thoughts on “Vulnerability (Fragment)

  1. Has PIMOJ ever expressed vulnerability to you? I wonder if she’s waiting for permission from you? It works both ways. We all have inner thoughts that we only share when it feels safe. I hope you can both feel safe enough to gradually open up to eachother .

    Liked by 1 person

    1. She hasn’t really expressed vulnerability. She might be waiting for permission, but she has quite old-fashioned views about gender relations and I think she thinks that women shouldn’t speak about their feelings to men.

      Like

  2. I would probably say, “You seem cheerful and positive all the time. How do you do that? Have you always been like that?” Perhaps in asking for more information, you’ll get insight into why she is the way she is. You’ll start a dialogue about feelings and personalities. Once the door is open, you might feel safer sharing more of yourself.

    Liked by 1 person

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s