Stop/Start Writing and People Who Have Left

I woke up exhausted again. Maybe I did too much yesterday.

I spoke to my rabbi mentor and tried to spend some time working on my novel, although it was mostly a day when I ended up thinking about what to write (and procrastinating) more than actually writing. I know that my writing process ebbs and flows, that I find an idea for a chapter or smaller section slowly, but then can work faster for a while until I hit a block again, but it’s frustrating. The fact that I can’t write every day, and can rarely write for more than an hour when I do write, means that it takes a disproportionate effort to get started. I know lots of writers struggle to start work, but if you only write for one hour a day, or one hour every two days, the procrastination time is longer, proportionately, than if you can write for three or four hours in a day once you get going.

Other than that, it was quite a busy day: I worked on my devar Torah and went over Shabbat‘s Talmud shiur (class), I cooked dinner and went for a walk. I also collected the books I lent PIMOJ. I was rather apprehensive about seeing her again. I don’t really like running into ex-crushes or ex-girlfriends or, generally, people who I consider to have ‘left’ my life… I dislike running into ex-schoolfriends unexpectedly and things like that. Once someone has left my life, I feel uncomfortable welcoming them back to it. (The big exception here is E.) I have to say that I avoided a conversation with PIMOJ by saying my Dad was waiting for me in the car, which was true, but he wouldn’t have minded waiting a few minutes. I just got nervous and wanted to avoid an awkward conversation.

I skyped E afterwards, which was at least a reminder that I communicate with her a lot better than I did with PIMOJ. By the time that call finished it was late and I was very tired, and now I’m racing to bed as I have to be up early tomorrow for volunteering.